In our family, we take things literally. Sometimes that gets us in trouble!
💜💙 Gee 💙💜
Switch Feet
Gender euphoria is not just the opposite of dysphoria!
I wrote about gender euphoria as the first sign of my 10 Signs I Was Transgender But Didn’t Know It. I wanted to expand on that for a few reasons:
1) So many people talk about gender dysphoria; it’s one of the first things people hear and understand about transgender experiences. It’s important, of course, but it can also be a downer to constantly discuss. I wanted to share my experience of gender euphoria to counter that.
2) I realized I am a transgender woman because of euphoria, not because of dysphoria. Dysphoria is more like a background radiation for me: it permeates my life with a constant dose of depression, so I’ve gotten used to it. Gender euphoria has been more fleeting, so it gets my attention in a big way. If more experiences of gender euphoria are shared, then others like me might have their realizations sooner.
3) I didn’t name “gender euphoria” as a concept in my original article! Here is what I wrote:
“I never felt like a boy or a man. I identified as non-binary for about a year, but I didn’t feel it. I chalked that up to alexithymia and the idea that non-binary people don’t feel like a gender either–somehow ignoring the fact that many non-binary people actually do FEEL no gender (including my partner). I was nonchalant in deciding I was non-binary, saying it was my way to reject the gender binary and embrace some of my more feminine qualities. However, when I saw RozRaid’s tweet and its replies, I FELT IT. I was overwhelmed with FEELINGS that were amazing and confusing and affirming and a billion other feelings I rarely remember feeling in the past. Later, I said out loud to myself that I am a trans woman, and I CRIED because I felt another wave of THOSE SAME INCREDIBLE FEELINGS. Of course I didn’t feel male or agender… I’m a woman!”
See all those FEELS in all caps? That excerpt was my first attempt at describing gender euphoria before understanding the name for that feeling. In my haste to describe what I was feeling, I was able to dance around the name pretty well, huh?
Alexithymia makes it difficult to discern and name feelings; it actually feels like it is hard to even feel things sometimes. I knew I was super happy–look at all of those friggin’ FEELS in that passage! But happy is more of a category, and it can be carved up into satisfied, cheerful, exuberant, safe, hope, inspiration, awe, love, and euphoria, among others. I had rarely felt euphoria in the past; I would certainly count my wedding and two kids’ births as euphoric experiences. But those still felt distinct from gender euphoria.
The difference seems to be that they were outward experiences where I was focused on my relationship with other people, and not myself. Even with a feeling as specific as euphoria, the outward version felt different enough from the inward version that the name stumped me.
Gender euphoria is what keeps trans folks going. I get pops of it whenever someone refers to me as “she”, when I tried on skirts and leggings for the first time, or when thinking about growing long hair. Sometimes alexithymia delays, softens, or even hides those feelings, but I’ll keep chasing them. I need to chase them, because those feelings are me.
That’s my euphoria and I’m sticking to it!
What do you think?
💜💙 Gee 💜💙
I Stand With The Aspergian
I stand with The Aspergian.
I may be new to the autistic community, but I am not new to bullying and trauma. I got my dx in early 2018 at 36yo after a breakdown due to stress and depression. I started bouncing around Facebook groups, searching Google, following random autistic folks on Twitter.
When I finally came across The Aspergian and saw so many perspectives represented, I was relieved. When I really started digging into the articles, I was informed and delighted. When I realized I was transgender and wanted to tell the world, I only thought of publishing it on The Aspergian. And I was cheered.
My dx came after DSM-5, but tons of groups used “Asperger’s”, and tons still do. I understand the history and problems with the word, but not as many people do, so it remains recognizable. If it is going to be recognizable, then why not also reappropriate and educate?
The Aspergian is an amazing group of diverse people that have embraced that concept. The site has hundreds of volunteer contributors, few of whom actually identify with “Asperger’s”, but all of whom share a purpose of advocacy and education and art.
We choose to see the site for what it is: an inclusive place for neurodiverse folks. But it’s more than that still. The Aspergian is EMPOWERING people who weren’t being reached in other ways. This collective of passionate people has created something bigger than originally imagined!
The hundreds of thousands of page views each month are a testament to the honesty, earnestness, and humility of the contributors, and a reflection of how the community feels.
So when I say that I stand with The Aspergian, I also mean that I stand with the whole autistic community and individuals’ rights to identify how they wish.
I’m autistic and against aspie supremacy. I’m autistic and an Aspergian.
(This is an unroll of my Twitter thread found here: https://twitter.com/duplexstructure/status/1185746184205324288?s=21)
I Edit Non-Fiction!
I just added non-fiction editing services!
Go here for more details!
Find me on Twitter or email me at DuplexStructure@gmail.com
💜💙 Gee 💜💙
I Edit Fiction!
I just added fiction editing services!
Go here for more details!
Find me on Twitter or email me at DuplexStructure@gmail.com
💜💙 Gee 💜💙
Finding Community
I spent years trying to find “my” community, so it was a bit of a surprise to me when I realized I had support from multiple communities! I just had to make a comic to illustrate this feeling!
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Thank you for showing me what inclusion and acceptance look like… I love you all!
💜💙💜💙💜
Hey there!
Hello!
Gee (@DuplexStructure) is a late-diagnosed autistic transgender woman. Currently a professional scientist, writer, and editor, her curiosity continuously calls for research and writing. In addition to her all-out earnestness, she enjoys comics, microphotography, and fact-checking EVERYTHING for context. Her special interests include the Red Hot Chili Peppers and tabletop gaming.
Wow!
I debuted at The Aspergian earlier this month! I’ve written three pieces about my recent identity revelations – check them out if you haven’t already:
I’M AUTISTIC: HOW I LISTENED TO ONE SONG FOR 20 YEARS BEFORE I KNEW WHY
10 SIGNS I WAS TRANSGENDER BUT DIDN’T KNOW IT
BE YOURSELF: HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Basically, I learned a lot about myself and decided share my experiences to help others.
💜💙💜💙💜
What do you think?
